TRIO
Long Island Chapter PO Box 81 Garden City, NY 11530 www.litrio.org 516-942-4940
A
Father's Valor
By Robert H. Seeback
My
son Bobby sat across the kitchen table, fidgeting with the
handle of his second cup of coffee. It was a substance his
doctor had told him to drink in moderation. After a brief moment,
he raised his head, and looking into the eyes of my wife Doreen
and I, delivered a sentence that shocked us to the bone.
"Mom, dad, I have been given two months to live."
I immediately scanned his youthful face for some evidence of a joke, when suddenly
the realization of it hit me like a freight train. He had fought so hard, so
bravely.
"There is a little bit of hope though,” he continued. “Dr. Koss
told me that I am in congestive heart failure and that's why it’s hard
to breath. But, Dr. Nancy mentioned something about a heart transplant."
That was Bobby, always finding a ray of light in a hopeless situation. He had
been through countless courses of grueling chemotherapy. He had lost his spleen,
appendix and half a lung in staging the Hodgkin's Lymphoma that had invaded
him to his soul.
After all else had failed, he spent months in isolation and finally survived
a stem-cell transplant only to find that the treatments had destroyed his heart
muscle. Still, his outlook was positive.
What unbelievable courage, I thought, as I tried to keep my composure. I asked
about the heart transplant.
"I don't have many details,” he said, “but basically they take
someone else's heart and put it inside you. Then they give you medicine so your
body doesn't reject it."
Looking back now as I hold my twin grandsons in my arms, I can remember the
times when I carefully rolled him in a wheelchair, throughout the campus of
Columbia Presbyterian medical center. We went from one doctor and one test,
to another while they sought to find out if he was an acceptable candidate
and if a transplant would benefit him in the end.
Then there was the telephone call at 5:30 in the morning on St. Patrick's day
in 1996. When he excitedly told us from his hospital bed that a donor heart
had come in that might be a match.
He survived that heart transplant, then met Nancy, who became his fiancee.
Later he developed osteoporosis and needed a total knee replacement. From where
did he summon the strength to endure? Yet still, he managed to dance wildly
at his wedding.
Gazing into the eyes of his sons Daniel and Jonathan, I thought about how lion-hearted
they will be if they adopt only a fraction of their father's valor.
I will never forget the day when my son had come to me, and told me that his
strength had come from me.
Written
b y Robert H. Seeback
The late Robert Seeback was the father of my friend and fellow Long Island
TRIO member and transplant recipient Bobby Seeback, who speaks about organ
donation emotionally and effectively to high school students on Long Island.
Bobby received a heart transplant on March 17, 1996.
Thanks,
Mike
Sosna
We
are thrilled to present stories and profiles of Transplant
Recipients here at litrio.com. Once again, all LI
TRIO board
members, directors, workers and member volunteers
are in fact volunteers who are not paid but are donating
their time and efforts graciously and generously.
Please
meet Stan and Laurie Rosen
By Laurie
Rosen
When I first learned that my husband Stan had end-stage renal disease
(ESRD), I was very frightened and felt helpless. He had diabetes for
many years, yet it was still difficult to face this illness. Rather than
continue to feel helpless, I tried to learn more about kidney function
and ESRD. I accompanied Stan when he had appointments with various specialists
whenever possible and actively participated by asking questions. And
even though I was a beginner using the Internet, I was able to gather
considerable information about kidney disease and the available types
of treatment.
Together
Stan and I discussed the treatment options, which included
either dialysis or a kidney transplant. We visited a
dialysis center and several hospitals with transplant
departments. He dreaded the prospect of dialysis and
the restrictive diet and lifestyle changes involved.
His goal was to avoid dialysis as long as possible and
I supported him in that. After much discussion, my husband
decided that a kidney transplant was the treatment of
choice. It was during my second meeting with my husband
at his nephrologist’s office that I was informed
that occasionally a spouse or even a friend could be
a compatible kidney donor. At the same time, I was told
that a new technique for the removal of a donor kidney,
involving laparoscopic surgery, was available. It was
easy for me to decide at that moment that I would be
tested to find out if I would be a suitable donor.
At first,
Stan was opposed to the idea of my being tested. He was
afraid to get his hopes up, knowing the odds were against
us being a good enough match. An even bigger concern
for him was that I would be hurt if I gave up one of
my kidneys. I recognized that my husband’s resistance
to my donating a kidney was also due in part to his being
depressed. Many people with ESRD and other chronic illnesses
suffer from depression and feel that they shouldn’t
bother to try, that things won’t work out. It was
difficult for him to make a major life decision while
he was depressed.
After a
while, Stan got used to the idea that I would be tested.
He selected a hospital, Mount Sinai in New York, with
a large transplant department whose transplant surgeon
had performed more than one thousand kidney transplants.
We were tested together on the same day. Against all
odds, we were a match! I felt amazed, ecstatic and relieved
hearing the news. The person who gave me the results
was so matter-of-fact about it that I was uncertain whether
I had really heard her correctly.
I was very excited when I told Stan that we were a match. By this time,
he had educated himself about the laparoscopic procedure, which is less
invasive for the donor than the conventional method of removing a donor
kidney and involves a shorter hospital stay and faster recovery. He had
experienced laparoscopic surgery first hand when he had his gall bladder
removed.
As we made
plans for the transplant it really seemed like a miracle.
I would be giving my husband a part of myself that would
improve the quality of his life. He would not have to
undergo dialysis or to remain on a waiting list to receive
a transplant. You might think that this was an act of
great courage or sacrifice. It was neither. I truly was
not afraid to lose a kidney because I was really not
losing it. I was giving it to my husband., and by helping
him to lead a fuller life, I would benefit too.
Because this was a planned operation, we had time to prepare ourselves.
We received a lot of emotional support from family, friends, and co-workers.
It helps to know that people care about you when you’re going through
a major operation.
The night
before the transplant we went to a movie and wandered
into a cozy little restaurant a few blocks away from
the hospital, where we had a light but delicious dinner.
We stayed overnight in the city where the hospital was
located so we wouldn’t be worried about traffic
or snow the day of the surgery.
It is now 11 months since our transplant and Stan’s new kidney is
functioning well. My one remaining kidney is providing the same function
that the two kidneys had, and I feel no different physically than I did
before the operation. I stayed in the hospital for three days and was
able to walk slowly a few hours after the surgery and used a city bus
on the fifth day to go shopping and sight-seeing. I drove my car on the
sixth day and returned to work two weeks after the operation.
It’s
my hope that the availability of kidney donation by laparoscopic
surgery will make it possible for many more people to
become living donors and help reduce the number of people
on waiting lists for kidney transplants. Laurie S. Rosen, M.S.W., is a psychoanalyst and clinical
social worker in Commack, N.Y.
